Moms of Littles – Confronting Attitudes

Hey there! I’ve really enjoyed writing these posts this summer. It has definitely been a trip down memory lane, and I love posting old pictures of my kiddos. Just look at these cuties 😊:

I’ve spent the last couple posts talking about being more intentional in our parenting and giving you some keys to discipline. Today I’m going to give you my last “key” before we move on to some posts geared toward your older kids. That being said, these keys are important to continue even as your children grow up so keep them in mind!

1. Do NOT say it unless you are ready to ENFORCE it.
2. Be consistent.
3. Set CLEAR expectations.
4. Confront attitudes.

Confront Attitudes

This one is extremely important and a look at our own hearts is all the evidence we need to prove it!

Have you ever been asked to do something (or even made to do something) that you did not want to do? Maybe it is at work (that would be a “made”), serving in some way at church (that would be an “asked”), or even at home when you know you need to do something for your husband or children?

If you’re a better woman than me (is that supposed to be I?🤔)  maybe you immediately put on your happy pants and do the dreaded thing with a joyful heart and an excellent attitude of service EVERY TIME. Or…maybe (like me ☹) there are times when you drag your feet, procrastinate, shut the cabinet a little louder than necessary, grumble and complain (under your breath, of course) as you complete the task. We can all recognize that as an attitude problem in ourselves and know that we need to get our hearts right with the Lord. Admittedly, sometimes it takes longer than others to recognize my need for an attitude adjustment and take care of it, but in the end the Lord is pretty good at convicting my rebellious heart and bringing me to a place of repentance.

We have to remember why we are desiring and expecting obedience from our kids. Is it because I’m the mom and I said so? Is it so they “look good” on the outside? Is it so we “look good” as parents?

Nope.

We are training these littles to grow up to love the Lord and obey His Word.

It goes back to those core beliefs we talked about. I’m not looking for temporary obedience or outward compliance. I’m attempting to teach and train my children to learn to love the Lord and serve Him. Our desire is that they want to obey us with a right heart because that is what God would have them to do.

While we as mothers are at a place spiritually (or we better be) where the Lord can deal with us about our attitude problems, our children are usually not. If they have accepted Christ as their Savior, they are baby Christians who are still learning the ways of the Lord. They need guidance in what the Bible says and what the Lord wants from them.

And that is why we have always confronted attitudes.

From a very young age, your children will demonstrate a heart of rebellion. We’ve talked about some of those things already. As they get older and/or you are more consistent in expectations and discipline, the signs of rebellion might be more difficult to identify. You need to be tuned in and on high alert to notice more subtle matters of the heart.

Our children knew the saying, “Obey right away and with a right heart.” They knew that the obvious signs of rebellion or disrespect would not be tolerated, so we didn’t get much screaming, throwing things, hitting things, stomping their foot, stalking off, etc. We did see things like taking anger or frustration out on their siblings, pouting, getting quiet, putting something away more forcefully than necessary (kind of like my reference to the cabinet above—scary how much they learn from us!), etc.

I’m not talking about teenagers. I’m still talking about my kids when they were preschool age! That is when you need to start confronting attitudes. I firmly believe if you do that, you will not have to go through what the world calls the typical “teenage” years.

So what do I mean by confronting attitudes? It means that when you see something—no matter how small—that tells you your child is not obeying with the right heart, you settle in for a little chat.

You don’t just say, “You better straighten up that attitude!” and dole out consequences. You’ve got to talk about the why. And that means you have to know the why. You probably knew I was going to bring this back around to us, moms. We’ve got to be in the Word if we are going to effectively use it to train our kids. We have to be able to show our kids verses about obedience, anger, rebellion, etc. and explain why their attitude is important to God. Our children need to be reminded that, “…the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart (I Samuel 16:7).”

Talk to your child. Get them to open up to you about what they are feeling and admit their anger or frustration at you (or the situation). Acknowledge their feelings, but don’t let them excuse their attitude or behavior. Discuss applicable Bible verses or principles. Your goal should be that the child come to a point of realization that they need to change their attitude.

Obviously, this kind of conversation gets more in-depth the older your children are. And yes, there are times when no amount of talking or reasoning is going to work (probably teenage years). Those are the times when you will need to close the conversation by reminding them why they are in the wrong—and by this time, they know it—and consider appropriate consequences. Don’t forget to pray!

Two last tips for these kinds of conversations…

1. Your children will be more willing to admit they are wrong if they have seen you do the same. I have always tried to talk to Chaz and Harley about my own faults, even asking their forgiveness if I was short with them or said something I shouldn’t have, etc.
2. At the end of the conversation—or close to it—ask them what they are hearing. Children’s perception is far different than ours and sometimes what my kids were hearing was not at all what I intended or wanted, so I would need to go back and explain in another way.

Well, I hope this portion of the series has been helpful to you. If you need to catch up, check out the previous posts here:

Part 1 – The Baby Years
Part 2 – Core Beliefs
Part 3 – Terrible 2s or is it 3s?
Part 4 – Discipline
Part 5 – Setting Expectations

I plan to continue to the series through the teenage years, but the posts will probably slow down a bit. I’m headed back to work shortly!