Moms of Littles – Terrible 2s or is it 3s?

I really wasn’t sure what to title this part of the series. “The Wandering” crossed my mind. The definition of wandering is to travel aimlessly from place to place. It also reminds me of the Children of Israel wandering in the wilderness for 40 years. I definitely see the parallel between that and my mothering style during the toddler years. In the last post, I encouraged you to consider your core beliefs about motherhood. I wanted you to have those beliefs in your mind so that maybe you could be spared from “the wandering” testimony I’m about to give you.

First, I didn’t know I was wandering at the time. That is a very important part of this story. I thought I was doing okay as a mom. And I was…in some ways.

I’ll get to all of that, but I do want to share our strategies for some common behaviors during this stage. If I miss something and you’re curious how we handled it, leave me a comment or send me an e-mail! When reading, it might be helpful to remember that Chaz and Harley were only 17 months apart. Use what you can and leave the rest!

Tantrums

Chaz went through a very short stage of throwing a temper tantrum. He would literally “hit the dirt” as my sister called it when he didn’t get his way. She took this picture. Ha!

If I were guessing, I’d say most of his fits were about food. He was very passionate about food (still is). LOL! Anyway, these fits were met with a spanking, so it didn’t take long for him to figure out that kind of behavior was unacceptable. I don’t remember Harley testing us in this area…so either she was the “good child” or I don’t have a picture to remind me!

Potty Training

Chaz was about 18 months when he started telling me when his diaper was “yucky.” I took that to mean he was ready to potty train. We skipped pull-ups and went right for the underwear. I think pull-ups are convenient for parents, but still very much like a diaper to kids. I was also at home with Chaz so we could deal with the mess for a few days. He took right to it and by 20 months, he wasn’t even wearing a diaper at night anymore. Easy Peasy.

Harley…not so much. I found that interesting because I had always heard boys were more difficult to potty train than girls, but in the end I think it just depends on the kid. I think we rushed Harley a bit and it made it more difficult. Or maybe it was those “scary” automatic flushing toilets in public places! Oh, the joys of trying to cover up that sensor and convince her it was not going to hurt her! 😊 She would get busy playing and not want to stop to go to the restroom. It took longer for her to be fully potty trained without accidents, but she was still potty trained before turning two.

While I wouldn’t recommend rushing your kiddo, I also think waiting too long turns it into more of a battle of wills. You will know when the time is right. Just don’t wait because it is not convenient for you or it is too hard. It takes some work, but in the end it makes your life easier (and what mom doesn’t need easier in her life?)! And in case you’re wondering, we didn’t give rewards* for potty training. We did give spankings AFTER we were sure they could control it and the accident was due to not wanting to stop playing or something like that.

*I don’t believe we should reward kids for doing what they should be doing. I’m all about positive reinforcement and praise, but I don’t like the idea of “tangible rewards.” That is just my opinion.

Screaming

No. Just no. We did not let our children scream unless it was for excitement, while playing outside, etc. Most children I know go through a couple phases when it comes to screaming. One is when they are first discovering their voice, and we still need to teach them when it is appropriate to do that. It is not when sitting in a restaurant full of people. The other is when they start screaming to either get your attention or show their anger. We saw that as rebellion and dealt with it appropriately.

Speaking of restaurants, let me put my teacher hat on for a minute. Please TALK to your children. They do not need to be entertained by a screen (more on that below). Your children will have a language and vocabulary explosion between the ages of about 18 months to 3 years of age. Children with an extensive vocabulary usually have an easier time learning to read. They need you to talk to them…and read to them. Read to them A LOT. 😊

Sleeping

If you read The Baby Years, you know that we started putting our children to bed on their own at an early age. It made them GREAT sleepers! We didn’t have battles about staying in their own beds. From the beginning, Marc was adamant that they would not sleep in our bed. I’m thankful for that. It helped us stick to our core beliefs before we even really knew what they were. If they were very sick, I would sleep with them if I felt it was necessary. When they would wake up with a nightmare, we would take them back to their bed, pray with them, and remind them that Jesus was with them.

Attention

I’m lumping a few things into this one section… Teach your kids to sit and work on quiet activities sometimes. This will help you out when you are in a social situation where you need them to quietly entertain themselves (such as church, a doctor’s office, etc.). It is also good for them to build up stamina attending to one activity. I’m not suggesting you force them to keep playing something for unreasonable amounts of time, but encourage them to “finish that book” or “finish that puzzle” before moving on to the next thing. Use screen time sparingly! Here are a couple of articles talking about how screen time is training our children’s brains and it is not for the better:

What Screen Time…

Screen Time: A Digital Drug

After teaching for 10 years, I can whole-heartedly agree that it is impacting our children and their ability to focus in school.

Learning

Children at this age are soaking up new information. Take that opportunity to teach them basic things like colors, shapes, counting, and the ABCs. Read books. Do puzzles. Play with toys that develop problem solving skills (turning, flipping, etc. to fit into openings). Color and write (it helps them start developing fine motor skills which are so important). By the way, try singing the ABCs to the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb” instead of the traditional way. It really helps to eliminate confusion later about the “letter” LMNOP being the letters L M N O P. Limit time on educational apps (even though they are educational, it is still “screen time”). Encourage them to play on their own at times. Kids should be able to entertain themselves for short periods of time. It promotes creativity!

The Wandering

Somewhere along the way, those precious babies turned 2 and 3. Honestly, I think the 3s were more terrible than the 2s. They began to test every boundary and every limit they could. Most people who knew them at this time probably would have said they were obedient children, but they didn’t live with them! They had their moments just like every other 2 and 3 year old!

Right after Harley turned 2 (so Chaz was 3), we moved across the country to Phoenix, Arizona for Marc to go to Universal Technical Institute for one year. While there, Marc worked in the morning and then attended school in the evening. He was gone from about 5:30 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. every day. Can you just picture me…mom of a 2 year old and a 3 year old…home alone with them ALL day and ALL evening…? There were no grandparents around to give me a break. I found my patience tested and my energy depleted. There were moments I’m not proud of when I would get angry. Really angry. And sometimes I would yell at them to do what I asked. I could give you reasons, or excuses, about why I think I became a “yeller” but that doesn’t really matter. My actions were/are my own. It makes me sad now to think about it…and it would be so easy to leave all the ugly out of this little series. But maybe it is the ugly that will help someone see a way out of the wandering.

There was one moment in particular when the kids had dumped every toy to their name and made a complete mess of their “toy room.” It was really a huge walk-in closet, but with our minimal belongings it worked wonderfully as a toy room. The fun was the dumping and making a mess. It was not about playing with their toys. They had been warned about this before, and I was so angry. I must have yelled louder than ever before because I remember Chaz’s face. He was scared of me, and it broke my heart. ☹

That was the eye-opener I needed. The Lord used that instance to begin working in my heart to become a better mother. I didn’t want my children’s obedience to come from fear. I knew there had to be a better way…

Thankfully, the year in Phoenix ended shortly after that. We came home and returned to a more normal schedule. The Wandering was coming to an end…I would be Crossing Over soon. Stay tuned for Part 4 – Discipline!

Here’s the link to Parts 1 and 2 (in case you missed them):

Part 1 – The Baby Years
Part 2 – Core Beliefs

Disclaimer: My fear is that by writing practical advice to moms, people will think that I am essentially saying, “I’m a perfect mom, my kids are perfect, and my way is the only right way.” I am certainly not a perfect mom. I was not a perfect mom when my children were little. And my children? Well, they are not perfect either. This series will be a testimony of sorts based on my experience as a mother and an educator. You may be able to take some ideas and apply them to your own motherhood journey and you may not. My way is definitely not the only way.